Anyway, today was the worst I've felt yet - without actually feeling "sick." No fever, and no coughing or anything, but just over-tired and having really tired muscles. But I had a lot to get done.
This was my plan:
- Wake up at 5:30, do devotions (I actually got up at 7:15, because my throat felt so nasty at 5:30 that I turned off my phone when I shut off my alarm. I did not do devotions.)
- Start work at 6:00am. (I started work at 7:15, when I woke up - today was a telecommuting day).
- Shower and get dressed at 8:30. (I showered and got dressed at 8:00, so that Robert could at least know that I was okay to be left alone with the baby - as in, not too sick or anything - before he left for work).
- Get baby up at 9:00, feed her breakfast, and get her dressed for KinderMusik. (This actually happened).
- Leave for KinderMusik at 9:40am. (We left at 9:48).
- Meet Dad at KinderMusik at 10:00am. (My dad was running late this morning. He arrived at 10:15).
- Leave from KinderMusik for work to go with my co-workers on my boss's celebrity walk (a "Wellness Team" thing) at 11:30. (I actually did this, and I even went to the Habitat for Humanity store before work!)
- Do the walk, stay for the conference call with my co-worker at work and arrive back home by 2:30 so my dad could go home, since he agreed to watch Ellie Jo today. (The walk was great, we did the call early, I was home by 1:30).
- Make sure Dad got lunch, get some laundry done, pick up the house, get Awana stuff ready for tonight. (What actually happened was I got home, Dad had eaten, and Ellie was sleeping. So I took a nap. For an hour and a half.)
- Teach Liam's piano lesson at 4:30, go to Awana at 5:45. (I texted Robert and said "Please come home ASAP after work. I need help. I'm exhausted, and Elizabeth needs food and is also tired.")
Thankfully, Liam showed up a few minutes early. Elizabeth took a 3 1/2 hour nap. Robert came straight home and found the baby and me in bed. He thought I should stay home and rest, but I said, "I have stuff to do. I need to be at Awana tonight."
My "stuff" didn't include what I actually did at Awana tonight. My "stuff" included my usual errands - checking in with the secretaries, making sure we had enough leaders in Trek, gathering handouts, turning in paperwork, preparing the Info Board in the Narthex for it's "makeover" this weekend, and watching over the 30+ kiddos in the Trek group, helping as-needed. My "stuff" didn't matter at all.
What mattered was a little girl. A little girl who needed me. Who needs God in her life. Who needs to feel loved, like she matters.
One of our leaders came to me during handbook time (about an hour into club), and said, "I think (the little girl) is cheating. I thought I saw her verse cards hidden in her shirt. I really don't want to be the one to address it. Can you please handle it? I also have other girls who need help."
I thought to myself, "You want me to help? I don't know how to handle it, either! I always had a fantastic group when I was a Trek leader! They never cheated!" (I am now a co-director with my husband. This is about our 8th or 9th year severing together in Trek). But I said, "Okay. Send her out to me. Tell her I want to work one-on-one with a clubber tonight. I'll take care of it." (I don't get to work one-on-one with the clubbers much as a Director). Now, this little girl is young, street-smart, and has seen a lot in her life. Her home life has never been easy. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to this at first. I have pretty much zero experience in dealing with street-smart kids who don't want to be at Awana, and tend to learn a lot from them every time I work with them. This was outside of my comfort zone.
The little girl came out. She looked a little confused, and I asked her to sit down with me. (Kelly, our awesome secretary was next to me, as was Elizabeth). I explained that I really wanted to work with a clubber tonight, and her leader had suggested that I work with this little girl, because she really wanted to finish her Oasis (review of 6-10 verses - it's a toughie).
She said okay, and we started practicing the first verse. When I asked her to recite, I let her finish (until she said, "I can't do it,") before I said, "What is that, (little girl's name)?"
She looked down, and quietly said, "I have a rash...." and started scratching under her collar bone.
I pointed to her collar and said, "No. What's that? The paper by your collar."
She looked down again, and whispered, "Nothing...."
I waited a minute before saying anything, giving her the opportunity to come clean. She didn't.
Let me say that at this point, I fully expected myself to become frustrated with her, tell her that lying was not acceptable, and that she was on a one-count, and then force her to work on her verses.
This is not what happened.
This is not what I planned.
Again, I gently spoke, and said, "(little girl's name), are you lying to me?"
She nodded, but kept her head down. I asked her to hand me the verse cards. She did, but I had to ask twice.
I said, "(little girl's name), why are your verse cards in your shirt?"
"I dunno. Because I need them."
"Why do you need them?"
"Because otherwise I can't do my section tonight."
"Why can't you do your section without them? Without cheating?" (This was the first time I brought this word up, but I was still very gentle.)
"Because I can't."
"Who told you that you can't?"
"No one. I just know it."
I sighed, sat back, and said, "(little girl's name), I don't believe that. I know you can do this! I've seen you do this before! Can we try - you and me, together - to work on this section and these verses?"
She looked right at me, holding Ellie, and still concentrating on her and said, "But Miss Kimi, you have other stuff to do tonight."
No, I don't. Not anymore. THIS is my stuff.
"I want to work with you instead. Can I please work with you tonight, (little girl's name)? I don't get the opportunity to do this very often, and it's important to me that I help you with your Oasis tonight."
At that moment, I saw something happen in her face. Something uncomfortable. I can't place it. But I could tell that she knew that I really did care about her, and I really did want to work with her and help her. I did mention that I may have to ask her to wait a moment here or there so that I could deal with the baby or other Director's stuff, but she smiled and said that was fine.
I started by reading each and every verse with her. We took them apart, me asking her what this part or that part meant. When she couldn't tell me, I helped her learn. The conversation was barely above a whisper. I wanted to make sure she knew she was not in trouble. That she was my priority.
After we talked through all the verses, I explained that we are supposed to memorize the verses so that we can hide God's word in our hearts. So He can work in and through us. So we can teach others to know, love and serve Him, too. I then said, "(little girl's name), do you understand why I don't want you to cheat? I don't want you to miss out on anything that God has for you. I want you to learn all you can about Him, soak in His word, and understand His ways!"
She started to cry.
I kept talking very gently, putting my hand on her knee to reassure her. I said, "(little girl's name), when you cheat with this, you are only cheating yourself. This isn't what God wants for you. He wants you to know and understand His word, so that you can serve Him and love Him, and then others will see Him through you!"
More tears.
I asked her if she was willing to keep working on these verses to finish her Oasis tonight. She nodded, and Kelly brought her a tissue to wipe her tears. I noticed when she wiped her eyes, there was some mascara that came off, and I just thought to myself, "this little girl is not even 13 years old yet, and she's wearing mascara. She's seen more in her life than I have. She needs me. I need her to be willing to do this, so that God can work through me for her."
She said, "I'll do it, Miss Kimi."
I told her I was very glad, and that I knew she wanted to go to camp at the end of the year (she lit up when I mentioned camp), and we dug in.
For an hour, we practiced, we recited, and we celebrated each small victory.
In order to pass the Oasis section, the kids have to say all the verses in a row, including references, with no more than 2 helps.
She did it.
She passed her section.
We had to relocate to a quieter room when all the other kids came in, but she finished it. I said, "I knew you could do it, (little girl's name)! I knew it! You totally did it! I am SO PROUD of you!"
She smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen her have.
And during awards tonight, I made sure Kelly gave her the Oasis patch, and 2 pieces of candy, and then I mentioned her in front of everyone, giving her praise for her hard work tonight.
Her leader told me later that she thought maybe the little girl was feeling some pressure, because the rest of her group never had any problems doing their sections, and understood all of it. She's never seen the little girl cheat before, and said she felt strongly that it was just because she wanted to succeed.
Kelly told me after club that she was so impressed by how I handled everything, and that she really loved that I was so encouraging and gentle with the little girl.
I had to tell Kelly the truth: I didn't know I had it in me. I thought I would be angry, disappointed, furrow my brow and tell the little girl that cheaters were not what we wanted at Awana.
Instead, I did something I didn't know I could do with her. I never thought I could, because I've never had the chance.
This wasn't what I was planning on doing tonight.
This was the best thing I could have done tonight.
1 comment:
so glad that God showed you tonight who He wanted you to be. after all, its not all about what WE had planned, but what HE has planned for us! great job, I'M PROUD OF YOU!!
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